Do you find yourself complaining about things like how you’re not as comfy-womfy as you would like to be 100% of the time? Do you find that something mundane and regular, like dropping a knife on the kitchen floor, completely makes you lose the will to live? Do you find that you’ve been elected to a high office, yet cannot surrender your venal and self-centered nature?

You might be a big baby!

Ah see, you are not a complete big baby, as you can still make jokes, like the one you’ve just made about being able to have friends. Nicely done. You’re on the road to recovery.

Well then you should cuddle up, and suck on your thumb, and wait for the world to provide you with its bounty, dutifully displayed at your feet, you very very special-wecial big baby.

No. Just straight up no. Seek such things elsewhere, ye heathen.

If you’re a big baby, you probably have complaints. It’s part of being, well, a big giant baby. Send them to us at imabigbaby.com, where we care. You’ll receive a personal response from our expert Big Baby Advice team that will blow you big baby butt cheeks clean off. How? Just email complaints@

Are you a big baby?